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Action is Power: Why Your Vote Matters (Part 3)

July 4, 2018 by admin
Category 1
behind the music, blog, blogger, female musician, independent artist, independent music, indie artist, indie music, indie music blog, music, music blog, music journalism, Musician, musician life, political blog, political commentary, politics

Welcome to the third and final blog about the importance of voting. With this one, I’d like to discuss the importance of local politics and why “down-ballot” issues and policies are so important to all of our daily lives. According to fairvote.org only about 60% of eligible voters in America vote in national elections, which is substantially lower than most developed western democratic countries. What may be more disappointing is that a mere 40% of eligible American voters actually turnout in midterm elections and even fewer show up for off-year elections that only pertain to local issues.

There is so much hype and media coverage when it comes to national elections, which makes sense given that those elections and potential leaders will represent all of us, not merely regions or communities. However, we often overlook how much local laws and community-related topics affect us and those closest to us.

Most people I’ve interviewed get riled up about the presidency and maybe occasionally a Senate race, but don’t even know who their Representative is in the US House of Representatives. One point that’s important to understand is that not only do locally-elected officials and local policies often have a more direct impact on our lives, but we also generally have a more direct impact on local officials and policies, compared to national elections. In local elections, we are dealing with smaller numbers of voters; therefore, one vote really can have a substantial difference on the outcomes, not to mention our sphere of influence being an even bigger contributing factor to election outcomes.

One tangible example of this can be taken from Virginia. A state delegate seat was won and lost by one single vote in one district. The Virginia House of Delegates faced a 50/50 split in their State House so this one district solely decided who would have the majority, and, in turn, would have control of statewide legislation and policy. In this case, it truly was one vote that mattered. There are also countless other cases of tight races that we saw up and down the ballot of both national elections and special elections. Every vote counts!

Whether it’s local or at the national level, the first step to understanding how you can vote to affect change in your communities and regions is knowing who represents your interest in government; their decisions affect your day-to-day-life. Don’t just blame or shame; GET INVOLVED!!! We have no right to complain about the state of the world if we are not doing anything about it. The idea of “writing your congress person” is not just an adage; it’s your right and responsibility as a free voter. In this political climate, it’s more important than ever to get involved. Our representatives not only want our input, but they need it. These Representatives may not necessarily care whether or not you voted for them in the past, but they absolutely care if you will vote for them in the future; therefore, our opinions absolutely sway their votes in legislation, so DO NOT be silent. Both parties have their share of guilt for partisan gridlock and inability to work together to solve problems… how can we get their attention? Vote! Make sure the people who represent you are actually listening to you and have a true willingness and ability to fight on your behalf.

(If you’re not sure who represents you in DC or your Statehouse, click HERE to get more info)

In short, this is the basic idea I’ve been trying to drive home through these blogs about voting:

If you’re worried about the quality of your children’s education, vote.

If you’re worried about you and your family having access to and resources for higher education, vote.

If you’re worried about how to pay for and obtain health insurance, vote.

If you’re worried about who you’ll be allowed to marry, vote.

If you’re worried about the limitations imposed on who you’re allowed to be in our society, vote.

If you’re even simply worried about the amount of potholes in your city, vote.

Many people seem to view politics as a zero-sum game: as more people are given representation and a political voice, those who traditionally have power will lose their standing. But this is a narrow way to look at the democratic process. We should always be looking to expand representation; this is democracy at its very core. If we are worried about what happens when we bring more people to the table and how we will get everyone to fit in a seat, then maybe it’s time to build a bigger table. This starts with simply showing up. Vote.

(Check out Part 1 and 2 of this blog series here: Part 1, Part 2)

Action is Power: Why Your Vote Matters (Part 1)

May 22, 2018 by admin
Category 1
behind the music, blog, blogger, democracy, female artist, female entrepreneur, female musician, independent artist, indie artist, indie music, local artist, local music, music, music blog, music journalism, Musician, Philadelphia, philly, political commentary, politics, singer songwriter, voting

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I need to confess something: I’m fascinated by politics. We had a primary vote this past week in Pennsylvania, so I’ve had several political issues on my mind. However, I find that when I try to bring up politics with people, many are annoyed by the idea of discussing these topics, and they also do not see the importance of voting. While I fully respect someone’s choice to disagree with my opinions on policy, I do not support anyone’s decision to disengage from the democratic process. In order for our government and laws to work at their best, it requires all of us to participate. Here is why I think politics, and way more importantly, policy, should matter to all of us.

 

Let me start the first part of this series by painting a picture of how politics and policy affect me personally. As a musician, public policy helps shapes my career: I’m a small business owner, so I’m subject to meticulous tax rules, business regulations, and more difficult access to healthcare.

But my personal life has an even deeper connection to public policy:

 

 

I grew up low income

I’m a woman

I’m a lesbian

I work in the arts and in education

I have a substantial amount of student debt (Student Loan Forgiveness saves me about $500/month)

My partner has a serious pre-existing health condition for which she requires regular medications and sporadic surgical procedures

I don’t have healthcare through my job (The ACA saves me $400/month and protects my partner’s access to health care as someone with a pre-existing condition)

I deeply believe in social justice and the power of resources to change someone’s circumstance

I have friends in the military

I do not identify as a mainstream evangelical Christian

The high school I attended fell victim to a school shooting

 

 

It’s so difficult for me not to feel as though so much of politics is, in fact, personal. Countless policy decisions made at the local, state, and federal level directly affect nearly every aspect of my life. This leads to questions that circle in my head on an almost daily basis:

Will my partner and I still be allowed to marry and/or adopt children after new Supreme Court justices are appointed and may be able to overturn marriage equality?

Will the underserved youth I work with have access to the quality education they need to rise above their given circumstance?

Will my student loan debt be too great an obstacle to overcome in my pursuit to make a better life for myself and my future family?

Will my partner and I spend the rest of our lives together trapped under medical debt?

Will my sisters’ kids, my kids, your kids, grow up in a world where hateful speech and sexual assault are tolerated?

Will our freedom of religion be threatened out of fear?

Will sensible gun control measures that are adhered to by the rest of the western world ever be enacted here in America in order to prevent the epidemic of mass shootings?

Will my friends in the military be sent to a war they don’t believe in?

 

 

I understand that these concerns seem a little dramatic to some, and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a worrier by nature. However, I also fall into several categories of disadvantage that these nay-sayers may not understand. Again, no one should have to apologize for having a different background or belief than me, but I do think it’s crucial to explain some of my concerns in order to reach common ground and better understand why policy matters to someone like me. Politics are personal. Policy matters; therefore, elections and voting matter.

 

I will save my other defenses of the democratic process for my next blog, in which I’ll further break down my argument for the importance of voting. I want to end this blog with one thought: apathy and complacency may be the two biggest threats to a free and safe society.
I respect the vote, even when I’m not happy with the results. I believe we need to be reflective and hold our leaders to a standard worthy of the America we know and love; one of the best ways to do that is by voting and getting involved in the political process. We should all be proactive in helping to create the America we want to see.

Thank you to EVERYONE (no matter who you vote for) for voting. It’s always amazing to see so many people get involved in our beautiful democratic process. And thank you so much to our polling place volunteers that work tirelessly to make this process available to us.

I hope and pray for the best, for every single American. By design, this place is for ALL OF US.

(Check out Parts 2 and 3 of this blog series here: Part 2, Part 3)

Storytime: Late Nights and Weekends (Part 3)

April 16, 2018 by admin
Category 1
behind the music, DIY, female artist, female entrepreneur, female musician, indie artist, indie music, indie music blog, local artist, local music, music blog, music journalism, Philadelphia, philly, singer songwriter

We are finally beginning the third and final installment of the Late Nights and Weekends Storytime series. There will be plenty more “Storytimes” to come, but this week, we are looking at the final two tracks of Late Nights and Weekends: “Piece of the Puzzle” and “Ocean Dove.” These two tracks both delve into more introspective content that I’m sharing publicly for the first time. Please keep an open mind and… buckle up!

When I wrote “Piece of the Puzzle,” I was actually still living in California but in the process of planning a move to the East Coast to attend a music school in Massachusetts. A few weeks earlier, I met someone with whom I began a romantic relationship. However, after learning of my planned move east, this person decided to break things off out of a desire to avoid a long-distance relationship. In hindsight, I can certainly respect that sentiment, but as a heartbroken twenty-year-old, I was devastated by a potential love abandoned so suddenly. I embarked on my East Coast adventure a couple of weeks later, still rattled by the experience, but before I left, I managed to capture my grieving process in a song that became “Piece of the Puzzle.” There are many lines within the song that are very literal and not dressed up with the metaphors of a sophisticated writer; I was raw and so are the lyrics: “When I, with my heart, step on that plane, my eyes I cannot let see you again. I dread that if they can, once more they’ll want a new start to all this torture which is bound to repeat soon” and “We can chance a happy ending, but won’t allow that in. Sometimes, the wisest voice makes the least amount of sense.” I also expose my need to hide what I’m really feeling (referenced in other songs as well) so as not to appear weak: “It’s time to break my silence on this: my heart agrees not with what leaves my lips. Not one to show a weakness or where it is I’m frail, I act the part of strongest. Beneath, I feel I’ve failed.” The chorus introduces more of the universal feeling of a break up: “We tore us, we tore us, we tore us apart. ‘Cause we’ve kept ourselves from what we both wanted most. Just like a great story never to be told, so we break another piece of the puzzle.” It took me some time to fully recover (and several more songs about feeling heartbroken!), but I obviously picked up the pieces and became a stronger person for having gone through the experience. And, to this day, this is my favorite ballade to play at shows.

The last song on Late Nights and Weekends is “Ocean Dove.” This track is more of a confession song about a flaw within myself. I have always been a very independent person and often to the point of being stubborn and unwavering in my need for that autonomy. While musing about this distinctive feature of my personality, I began to see that while personal independence (especially as a female) can be a wonderfully positive asset and an understandable need, my occasional indignation for this was sometimes more limiting than helpful. I will never say that an independent person (and again, especially if female) is a negative thing, as I genuinely view that quality as an incredibly powerful attribute; I simply want to be honest about the times in which my inability to leave room for others has led to me missing out on some truly great interpersonal connections. I think the line at the end of the chorus best sums up the overall commentary I was aiming for: “Sometimes freedom can trap you more than boundaries built by man.” As a side note to that line, I generally promote the use of “humans” or “humankind” when referring to the universal use of “man” or “mankind,” since I vehemently support the use of Fair Language. However, as a young woman wrestling with the balance of being an independent female while also leaving room for those that seek to enrich my life, I wanted to be intentional with using the word “man.” I wanted to do this because it is often dynamics with men that lead to feeling that tug-of-war within myself (it’s a constant battle to determine what is “assertive” and what is “closed off”), AND because we live in a patriarchal structure that is typically defined by the rules of gender norms and the men who occupy “the top.”

There is one last story I’d like to share with this song that musicians will probably appreciate. When I wrote this song, I was finishing one of my final semesters of college. I had just moved to Philadelphia, so I didn’t have a car and didn’t know many people. My immensely sweet friend and roommate, Talain Rayne, would drop me off every morning before class, around 8am, and he would pick me up every night when he was done with work around 9pm, until I secured a vehicle a couple of months later. I can’t say how grateful I was for him being so accommodating and helpful, but the circumstances meant I was stuck on my school’s campus for over 12 hours every day. Whenever I would get burnt out on my ever-increasing stack of homework assignments, I would wander around campus looking for ways to take a break from academics. One day, I happened across a prayer chapel that seemed rarely used by staff or students, but was equipped with an old piano. I started sneaking into the chapel at night, when everyone else had left, in order to play that aged, but beautiful-sounding, piano. Soon after that, I began composing “Ocean Dove.” Because the piano was quite old, it had some slightly out of tune keys and possessed a very specific timbre. I made multiple recordings while experimenting with different versions of “Ocean Dove,” and I loved the way the character of that aged piano sounded with the song. To this day, I still wish I could somehow bottle up or otherwise recapture that very specific vibe of the old piano. It’s funny how these types of imperfect objects, people, or experiences (but so beautiful in their own unique way), can stick with us far after they leave our lives. I will always have fond memories of my late nights spent at that piano.

With that, I say “it’s a wrap!” to my Late Nights and Weekends Storytime series. Stay tuned for more of both a fresh Storytime series and more blogs about the ups and down of the musician life. Talk to you soon!

Storytime: Late Nights and Weekends (Part 2)

April 10, 2018 by admin
Category 1
blog, female musician, independent music, indie artist, indie music, music, music blog, music journalism, singer songwriter

It’s time, my friends, for Part 2 of my “Storytime” series, in which I tell you the stories and inspiration behind the songs I write. Today, we are exploring two songs from my second EP Late Nights and Weekends: “Long Way to Go” and “Gardeners.” Both of these songs are more retrospective, as I was exploring flaws and baggage within myself.

“Long Way to Go” captures my feelings of inadequacy. I have long thought that most artist-types have a constant tug-of-war when it comes to self-doubt, and I’m certainly no exception to that. However, I discovered that so many different types of people struggle with this as well; it seems to be one of those universal human experiences that we cannot escape. “Long Way to Go” created a great outlet for me to sort through these thoughts and emotions. I start the first verse by admitting severe disappointment: “Here I am, waiting for a miracle for relief, because my road has failed to sweep me off my feet.” Throughout the song, I also expose that I don’t always feel I’ve become the person I set out to be, which can be incredibly disheartening. After I finished writing this song, the ebb and flow of life’s defeats and victories became a little clearer. You win some; you lose some. As cliché as the old adage is, it has helped me to keep certain ups and downs in perspective. Simply because something looks different than you imagined it would, doesn’t mean it’s bad. And similarly, just because something may actually turn out badly, doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance to make something good come out of it.

When it came time to producing the video for “Long Way to Go,” I had a very specific vision, especially since I had come to realize how many people I knew experienced the same feelings that I expressed in the song. I thought it would be a perfect fit to feature different people working hard to achieve their goals and striving to be the person they want to be. The video follows a dancer, a victim of bullying, a nurse, and someone trying to make their community a better place. They all work tirelessly and continue to push forward, keeping their eye off of obstacles and focused on overcoming challenges. This video was a particularly enjoyable project for me, as it presented the opportunity to cast a good friend (in the role of “Good Citizen”) who has been unwaveringly supportive of my music since the moment we met AND my real-life girlfriend (who plays the role of “Nurse” and is also a real life pediatric nurse). Sometimes, I am at loss for how I can express my gratitude to those who walk beside me in my musical journey, but this song and this video offered a wonderful opportunity to make them a bigger part of the process and allowed them a way to show others their participation in these projects, beyond just a behind-the-scenes role. I’m forever grateful to all those who encourage me and my endeavors, and I was so happy to share this project with a couple of my truest and most loyal advocates!

The next track on Late Nights and Weekends is “Gardeners.” The song goes a little more into my past. I wrote this at a time when I was dating someone that had to bear repeated family tragedies and losses. I was able to empathize because of some of my own scars that I brought to the table. We were able to connect and help each other work through the issues with which we struggled, because we could relate on such a dark and intimate level. This shared experience, of mourning and learning to cope, inspired me to write a song that essentially served as a vow. This was a vow to do everything in my power to not repeat the choices of my family, that I would find a better way for myself and my future family. If we are handed a bad set of cards, we have the choice to try to change them. Just because you start ten steps behind, doesn’t mean you have to stay there. This song offered me the therapy I needed to uncover my own darkness, but also to explore new ways of paving my own path, that could lead somewhere better than I ever thought possible.

To anyone out there struggling with self-doubt or feelings of being “stuck,” you are not alone. Life has a way of kicking us when we are down, but it can also bring new and unexpected discoveries that enrich our lives beyond what even we can imagine. Stay open to new paths, stay awake and engaged in your life so you can absorb every ounce of goodness that life can offer, and don’t let anyone make you think you don’t deserve what you earn.

Storytime: Late Nights and Weekends (Part 1)

April 3, 2018 by admin
Category 1
indie artist, indie music blog, indiemusic, music, music blog, music journalism, musical journey, Musician, Philadelphia, philly, singer songwriter

Every song reflects a unique experience, thought, concern, or question. As a writer, I take great care in how I craft the pieces of music I share with the world. It’s important to me that they not only reflect quality, but also truth and honesty. In my personal life, I do not always wear my heart on my sleeve, and I do not enjoy feeling as though my deepest worries and vulnerabilities are laid bare. However, there is something about sharing a song that creates a safe space for this type of confession and openness.

In the spirit of exploring that safe space, I would like to take the next few weeks of the blog to share the stories, and at times, struggles, that inspired the music I’ve released to-date. Today, I will be discussing “Scratch” and “Eighth Sea,” the first two tracks from my EP Late Nights and Weekends. First of all, the title of the EP reflects the first chapter of my professional career doing music full time, and it is an ode to my musician lifestyle, for which my working hours are mostly late nights and weekends. I like the idea of each album marking a chapter in my musical journey (my first EP was titled Songs for the Sidewalk since I started as a busker/street musician).

Let’s start with the story behind “Scratch.” Not only is “Scratch” the first track on this record, but it was also the first single and first video released from this record. I wrote this song at a time when I felt as though I had a reverse-Midas effect; everything I touched or cared about seemed to end badly. I kept thinking that the only explanation for these outcomes was the common denominator: me. When things fall apart around us, it’s difficult to not feel at fault. My writing process began with a line that later became the 2nd verse: “I said I’d worked through this curse within me, but I must have lied to you. I swear that I did not mean to scratch you. But I’ve been known to leave a mark on those who dare to draw me close.” Throughout the song, I make a plea to the person I’m addressing to run away while they still can, because my bad fortune was contagious and rooted deep inside me. Writing this song was a great way to cope with and heal from a number of disappointments that seemed to plague me. Many of those disappointments have since resolved or just become a distant memory from my past. But this song remains a reminder of what that helplessness can feel like and a reminder that it eventually will pass.

The second track on Late Nights and Weekends is “Eighth Sea.” This song has a very random origin story… the chorus melody came to me while visiting Boston. I was there with other musician friends. We were riding the subway one day when, all of a sudden, a melody came to me! I didn’t have a way to record it in the loud and crowded subway so I had to keep singing it in my head so I wouldn’t forget how it sounded, and while doing that, some lyrics started filling in. I obviously didn’t have access to a pen and paper either, so I did my best to repeat the melody and lyrics over and over in my head until we finally arrived at our stop. As soon as I got off the subway, I found as quiet a corner as possible under the circumstances, whipped out my flip phone (yes, a few years ago, I was still rocking a flip phone, but that’s a whole other conversation), and began singing into the voice recorder on my phone. I walked around with that song idea literally in my pocket all day. The second we got back to our hotel, I sat with my guitar and started scribing everything from my phone recording and added additional parts I had thought of throughout the day.

At the time, I was getting over a fairly recent break up, so the concept of writing an angry break up song felt natural. This song is about feeling like a relationship was one-sided. The pre-chorus sets up the context of the chorus imagery: “I cried an eighth sea, just to sail away from you.” In this relationship being referenced, I felt like I had been the “giver” and the other individual had been the “taker,” hence the chorus lyrics: “So come with me to my new eighth sea, where I’ll drown the wreck you’ve made. There I can force you to turn the tables, so you’ll just give and I’ll just take… You’re my great mistake.” This song reflects many feelings of anger I was wrestling with following this break up. Interestingly though, this song has simultaneously become a fond memory since it was written during an extremely positive traveling experience with good friends. I suppose we can consider that one more example of how music has a remarkable way of reaching us beyond what even we can understand.

Stay tuned over the next few weeks. There will be more stories behind the songs!

Music is My Lover

May 20, 2014 by admin
Category 1
behind the music, blog, independent artist, indie artist, indie music, music, music blog, music journalism, singer songwriter

It seems to be a known fact that the music industry is tough, perhaps one of the most difficult fields one can choose to enter. It seems to be agreed that it is a struggle to be the “starving artist” type. But it is a harsh reality for those of us who actually walk down this path. We are persistently faced with the toll it takes, not just financially, but mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Though I can never truly articulate the sacrifice or the obstacles or how completely taxing music is on me personally (and fellow artists I’ve worked with), I want to attempt an explanation.

I am writing simply to help all who love music understand the pain-staking work that goes on behind the scenes to make music possible for all of us to enjoy. I think it’s worthy of attention, and it’s important for outsiders looking in to try to grasp what it is that us musicians do for the love of music.

The best way I’ve come to understand my relationship to music is this: music is my lover. I feel so passionately towards music. I would give just about anything (short of compromising myself) to sustain my musical career. I give, sacrifice, and am always willing to do it again. I do all of this without promise of return and sometimes at a detriment to my own wellbeing, because love gives selflessly. There are some days I’m in love with music, because it feeds my soul in a way that nothing or no one else can. But there are other days that I despise music for taking so much out of me, and placing this burden within me to create music, no matter the cost.

In spite of having a college degree and having a number of promising career prospects, I’ve picked music. I’m still trying to make music happen, which is equal parts enriching and completely demoralizing. Some days I feel utterly defeated and financially crippled; other days I have the greatest natural high from the work I do and how much I enjoy it. It’s a bizarre back and forth, and one that takes an immense toll on every part of my being.

So, why keeping doing it? That’s just it! As with a lover, when you love, you sacrifice. When you desire, you pursue. When you are passionate, you give every piece of yourself.

Music is a part of who I am; it is not just something I do. It is in me to create and share. It cannot be denied, nor will it allow itself to be denied by me. It is like a lover that soothes my soul in a way beyond what anyone else comprehends, but also knows how to crawl under my skin and take the last ounce of sanity I have at the end of the day.

Music is something that I breathe. Nothing can ever change that. And while it sometimes sucks everything out of me and leaves me wondering where I will find the strength for the next day’s challenges, it is also my reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

Music is an integral part of what makes me, me. I would not be the same person if I just decided to ignore the musical need within me. I would not have the same zest for life or the same passion towards loving people. Music is what makes me tick. Like a lover, it is imperfect, but loves me unconditionally and gives me what I need to push forward and dream bigger. Music is why I feel I can reach seemingly unattainable heights.

Even as I write this, I’m brought to tears by how strongly I feel towards music. I believe that music is the means by which the intangible connects with the physical world. It is the greatest of joys and the deepest of sorrows lay bare. It can be used to communicate when even the sincerest of words fail. Art, what we create, is the only true connection of our three parts: mind, body, and soul; it is an adventure to which our whole being is invited. Art is beauty and truth uncovered through the expression of the human condition.

So to all of those who understand this need to create and choose to march onward: dream big, live loud, and do not give up. We have no guarantee of success or return on our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual investment into our art, but we don’t need one. All we need is to keep the fire burning within us, even on the days we feel we have nothing left. All we need is to keep creating, keep loving, and keep persevering. Despite what everyone else may think, I know we can chase the impossible!

Gather Around, Children…. Story time! (Part 2)

March 26, 2014 by admin
Uncategorized
behind the music, blog, blogger, female musician, independent music, indie artist, indie music, local artist, music, music blog, music journalism, singer songwriter

Yes, kids! It’s story time yet again! Part 2 will tell the stories and inspiration behind the final three songs on my EP, Songs for the Sidewalk. I also want to have a quick aside and explain where the title of the EP comes from. As many of you know, I’m highly experienced at busking (playing music on the street for money). I did it all throughout college as a way to make some extra cash outside of my jobs. I lived in four different places in college, all over the country, and my busking skills helped finance each new expedition. Many of the songs I wrote during this time were debuted on the streets where I performed, sometimes being played only for my ears and the sidewalk. Busking was sometimes fun, but also could be demoralizing and defeating. These were all experiences that helped me toughen up and shed my fears. It seemed fitting to make my first official release an ode to these valuable skin-thickening times.

Now to get to these individual songs….

1) “Builders Quit Faster”

This song is about broken homes. My own experience with my parents is complicated, and I felt the need to create a safe space to express that, not realizing at the time that I would ever release this song. After writing the song, I began showing it to some close friends, who connected with it so much that they encouraged me to play it at shows. It slowly evolved into a crowd favorite and was thus included on the EP. This one was a tough song to write, and an even tougher one to be honest about once it was released publicly. But here’s my confession: this song describes my thoughts and feelings as a child, and my struggles as a young adult to reconcile those experiences with who I want to become, “These parents need raising by the children they lost, the ones that misfortune caught” and “Is this where we break, at fail to unmake the damage once done by the old to the young?” I’d like to believe that I’ve now found a mostly healthy balance of acceptance with my turbulent upbringing and moving forward with the happiness I’ve reached as a fully independent adult. The scars of childhood pains are always there, but the wounds heal, and we can choose to let the past be the past. The hardships in my young years are a huge part of who I am today, so I can never look on it as a useless experience. I take from it what makes me strong, and move courageously (though not without fumbling) into the future I want to make for myself.

2) “Game Over”

This song seems to cause a lot of confusion. Many have told me they think the song is about a break up since it would be game over for that relationship. In fact, it is quite the opposite. This song is actually about finding love and finding it in a most unexpected way. Allow me to elaborate. We often thinking of dating as a game, one that is sometimes fun and sometimes exhausting. Either way, we perpetuate the cycle. It’s like a game of hide and seek, over and over again. However, when we find the right person, we cease feeling a need to play these games. The verses explain this, “I’ve tagged base, with both hands flying wild in the chase, but now I’m done…. I’ve given up my right to give up love” and “Count to ten. I always made them track where I had been… but it’s always there, there’s something in the way you stare that traps my need to leave out every detail past what seems.” The chorus dives into how many of us resist love and try to be closed off to it, “I’ve been locked all this time. Frozen by a wordless bind,” and how love can still break through that, “You snuck by what we were, the game is over, over.” The idea is that in spite of ourselves, we can love and be loved in return. We just have to realize when the game is over.

3) “Paralyzed”

 

This song explains how we often feel unsure of the person to whom we’ve given our heart. We fall in love, but remain worried that other person might not feel as head over heals as we are. The verses explain the process of falling for someone despite being a skeptic of love, “As an outsider to love for so long I’ve learned to master the art of cynical words. And with each one I bore a broken piece of my hope in love so I commanded retreat.” The next section describes finally taking the leap into a relationship and hoping the other person is just as enamored, “You were my dare. A worthy risk, I’d say. But do you agree. Talk straight to me.” The chorus expresses the longing to know for sure that the other person is on the same page, “If this was all a lie, would you say it’s worth deception? If only this one try, would you stake your other options? If I was your last, would you be content with me?” The bridge is an outright confession about the fear of one’s feelings and efforts being wasted, “I’m paralyzed by fear of your words. Your lost love would cut the deepest.” We all experience joy and fears in relationships so it felt fitting to write a song that tried to capture that mix of excitement and coinciding anxiety.

That concludes my journey through Songs for the Sidewalk. I hope you all found little morsels of significance. These stories aren’t meant to be ground breaking or impart enlightened wisdom onto readers. These are simply my stories and myself poured into music. I thank you for reading them, because I know that I’m certainly not the most concise person. But when it comes to matters of the heart and soul, I’ve always believed that expression was a priority above brevity. Thank you to those who can bear with me long enough to enjoy these anecdotes. I hope to progress my journey through music as I continue to write about what life puts before me. And I look forward to sharing that journey with you all in the days, weeks, and years to come.

Gather Around, Children… Story time! (Part 1)

March 25, 2014 by admin
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behind the music, blog, blogger, female musician, independent music, indie artist, indie music, local artist, music, music blog, music journalism, singer songwriter

Every creative piece has a story. Whether we are discussing a work of art, a movie, or our favorite song, each are a creative output that is a result of some input. Each of them comes from somewhere, some place of longing, loss, or perhaps personal triumph. Lately, many of you have been asking about the stories behind my songs. Some of you know more than just the songs from my EP, Songs for the Sidewalk, and have inquired about those tunes, but for the sake of brevity (not generally a strength of mine, though long-windedness seems to come quite naturally), I’ll just address that collection of six songs. Part 1 will deal with the first three songs on the EP: “A Thousand Miles Between,” “Waiting on the Sun,” and “The Tree Song.” In an effort to settle any questions about where these songs have come from, what inspired me to set pen to paper, and in an effort to be candid and vulnerable (also not a strength of mine), here are the stories behind the first three songs on Songs for the Sidewalk:

1) “A Thousand Miles Between”

I wrote this song four years ago while attending the Contemporary Music Center, which was based in Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts at the time. In order to attend the program, I had to make the choice to move from sunny Southern California to a scarcely populated island off the coast of Massachusetts… in the middle of winter! When I finally decided to make the move to the East Coast, I embraced the idea of relocating, except for one small thing: I had just started dating a really great guy that I had known for almost two years. After discussing our options of either breaking up or trying out a long distance relationship, we decided to just break it off. I went to the island with a broken heart over the loss. This song is essentially a conversation with the island, asking if it can save me from the hurt I was feeling, “Just need a couple thousand miles between. New isle, please undo my memory. Don’t know if men are islands but it seems that surely this woman will have to be. I have to be.” On a more positive note, the split sparked a creative fire that led to a number of my favorite compositions. The experience on the island ended up being exponentially better, because I was single and had the freedom to embrace every aspect of the journey. So not every loss remains loss. There is always something to be gained!

2) “Waiting on the Sun”

This song was also written while living on the island. I used to stay up late and write songs in the laundry room or lining closet of the music school, since other students generally opted to use the practice rooms, rendering them occupied. This song was written mostly in one sitting while retreating to the linen closet. I’m a bookworm and like to read everything! I had recently read Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament, because I had always enjoyed King Solomon’s writings; he was so honest and had a sort of artist’s melancholy that I could relate to. I had read several chapters that discussed how meaningless life felt to him at times and how we waste our time toiling over pointless pursuits. I found his musings and poetry so moving and thought-provoking that I decided to write my own version of it. The phrase “waiting on the sun” is meant to describe how we are all like slaves to the sun, waiting on it hand-and-foot. We just let day after day roll by, participating in the same tired activities and sharing in the same empty quests for fulfillment, “We press the plows to the field each day we rise, labor for a master, then act surprised when he cracks our backs with whips and steals our grain, reaping what we sow since we have no claim” and “All that we can do has been done before; History’s repeating, but each time more worn. Wind’s not for chasing but my feet won’t stop, can’t put down my chains when they’re all I’ve got.” I wanted it to be a reminder to myself to break that cycle and aim higher than the mediocrity I’m so often faced with.

3) “The Tree Song”

This song is about my favorite climbing tree back home in California. There’s an area near where I grew up called Balboa Park, and it’s one of the central points of San Diego. I have so many wonderful memories of taking class trips to Balboa Park when I was in grade school. We were supposed to go there for learning activities, like exploring the many reputable museums the park has to offer. But the highlight for me was always climbing my tree, which made its home in the middle of Balboa Park. It was huge and had the most amazing roots growing up from the ground around it. It had vines hanging off every tangled branch. It was a childhood wonderland!… I wrote “The Tree Song” when I was 18, and I was a couple months into my first year of college. I was still living in San Diego, but it had been a number of years since I had really spent time in Balboa Park, so I decided I’d return to pay a visit to my beautiful tree. However, when I arrived at the tree, it was being held up by wires and was fenced off so that no one could get within 50 feet of it. The tree, MY tree, had become so old and worn out that it could no longer stand on its own and could no longer receive the eager children it once embraced so emphatically. This was a coming-of-age moment, in which I had to face the realities of adulthood and growing up, at a time in my life when I was already beginning to tackle that challenging transition, when I was already questioning the magic I once saw in life. The tree reminded me that we all have to grow up and grow old. But I also saw hope that life is still beautiful. This tree gave happiness to countless children like myself who would forever cherish those fond memories, “Your vines and leaves brushed my shoulders. You always knew how to offer comfort…. If I scraped my knees, you’d make me better. Your magic never failed to renew me.” I, like my tree, could bring light into other peoples’ lives. And maybe in my old age, they too would remember “When I could touch the sky.”

So there you have it, friends, the stories behind the first three songs on Songs for the Sidewalk! These are all little pieces of my life, my story, and my development as a person. I hope there are parts you can relate to and pull from. That’s always the most beautiful and touching part of the songwriting process, the final step where music acts as a gap to connect with others. I can only hope these small offerings of myself resonate with those who choose to listen.

We ARE Amazons

March 11, 2014 by admin
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behind the music, blog, blogger, female musician, independent music, indie artist, indie music, local artist, music, music blog, music journalism, singer songwriter

We have all heard the legends of ancient Amazons, female warriors who gallantly fought battles against their fiercest foes. Unfortunately, these powerful images of female strength have been largely erased in our modern age. Time and again, we see images of bravery and valor, but women are generally excluded from these visual messages. Though women are not often portrayed as warriors who possess inner strength and courage, I believe that many women fight everyday in the trenches of cultural inequality. Female musicians perfectly exemplify the necessary doggedness and daring required of women who wish to succeed in male-dominated professions. As in most industries, women in music have to work much harder than our male counterparts just to be taken seriously.

While there are countless women represented in the music industry, they are typically assumed to be solely singers and pegged as one-dimensional figures. It is much more rare to see female musicians, producers, sound engineers etc. Though I have nothing against female singers, as I count myself to at least partially fall into that category, I always have greater respect for anyone who can prove themselves competent in many creative aspects, and it’s unfortunately uncommon to see female artists with control over the various realms that construct their career. Most of these female singers are merely eye candy used to sell the creativity of others working behind the scenes. In contrast, men are not judged merely on their looks, but rather their skill. It’s easy for us to see beyond their image and enjoy what they creatively bring to the table.

I’ve witnessed this double standard at nearly every gig and recording session I’ve been a part of. For example, while preparing for a show, I notice guys checking me out at the venue. I assure you I don’t attribute this to my own attractiveness so much as the attention-grabbing stage clothes I don at most gigs. As I grow painfully aware of this attention, I’m left to wonder what they’re thinking about me. I’d like to believe their thoughts go something like this, “I bet she plays a mean guitar” or “She probably understands how best to order her effects pedals and dial-in her amp tone.” However, I’ve found that it’s more often, “Damn her ass looks nice in those leather shorts” or “Look how long those legs are!” Nearly every night that I perform, I have to deal with drunk creeps in the audience who think it’s permissible to stare at my boobs or crotch the entire set. These are simply things that men in my field don’t have to deal with.

The worst part of being seen as merely eye candy is not the disrespectful stares or degrading shouts from male members of the audience. The worst part is having my ability dismissed before I even play a single note. It’s relentlessly frustrating to have my skills doubted at every corner. It’s assumed that I’m just going to sing and dance around on stage while the guys in my band do the real musical work. Any signs of real creativity or substance are repeatedly attributed to some man who must be working with me; the work behind anything great I do cannot possible be my own. I can understand why there’s that misconception since there exists an incessant stream of false images of women in music, but I assure every reader that I do most of the creating on my own. I’m an intelligent individual who is incredibly committed to developing my craft, the same as my male colleagues.

Every creative endeavor is a collective effort, and I don’t want to sell that short. I’m especially lucky to have family and friends that support what I do. Even more rare, I have male colleagues and band mates that encourage my creative ideas and trust my musical instincts. I’ve been immensely fortunate in that I have possibly the world’s greatest band mates for both bands that I’m in. They all respect the leadership I bring, and I cannot begin to express the freedom that gives me creatively. A great support system and trustworthy colleagues of substance are crucial parts of any artist’s success, but it’s particularly important for women to find this as they will encounter a myriad of challenges that men do not have to worry about.

To any female musicians reading this, I’m sure you can relate to some of the venting I did in the previous paragraphs. I think it’s invaluable for female musicians to have a safe space to vent and empathize with each other’s frustrations. However, it’s more important that we encourage one another, especially since the world around us will most likely fail to do so. Have heart and stay the course. These obstacles are not going to be moved anytime soon, but they are also not insurmountable hindrances. We may have to work harder, but we will be stronger. We may be pushed back further, but we can soar to greater heights and use that negativity to fuel our creative output. We are Amazons. We can fight. We can affect change. We can be victorious. We can overcome anything that stands in our way. We possess all of the ability, perseverance, and courage that we need. In short: we can do it.

Music as Symbiosis: We Are in This Together

December 16, 2013 by admin
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behind the music, blog, blogger, female musician, independent music, indie artist, indie music, local artist, music, music blog, music journalism, singer songwriter

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been developing my understanding of music as a very positive symbiosis. I love meeting new people at every show, and each new interaction, or in some cases, budding friendships, have such value!  However, one aspect of these encounters that has always puzzled me, is a specific comment so frequently made by listeners. After thanking people for coming to shows, I often received a response that goes something along the lines of “well, I’m not talented like you, but I really enjoy listening to music.” This statement possesses a subtext that implies that they, as listeners, hold less importance than me, as the musician in the spot light. This sort of perspective has never sat well with me. Here’s why….

While music can be a personal journey for artists and listeners alike, some of music’s greatest power is found through communal experiences. Music festivals offer one great example of the power these communal experiences can have. Anyone who has been to festivals can attest to the eye-opening revelations and transformative influence these events can have. There is absolutely value in the quiet, contemplative moments of listening to your favorite record at home, in your car, or in any desired location that fosters a meditative environment. However, there is an unspoken power that comes from a transcendent musical experience that is shared simultaneously by a mass of people or even a small group of equally invested music lovers. We should always be thankful to those who choose to share in a musical journey with us, even if these people are merely strangers at a concert, whom we will, most likely, never see again. But for those brief moments, we will be on the same level of musical transcendence, and that is reason enough to cherish their presence.

Also, as a musician, I believe it is important to remember that it takes both artists and listeners to keep music flowing. Musicians like me have an innate need to create and, if we are lucky, we will learn to develop the necessary abilities to turn that need into something tangible for others to enjoy as well. Conversely, it takes listeners who want to invest in those creations (and those who create) in order to support creative endeavors; I mean this both in financial terms (buying songs, attending concerts, etc), but also in more abstract terms. For example, as I’ve mentioned before, and as many people already understand, being a musician is an extremely hard path to walk down. While I love creating and sharing music, there are certainly days when I get beaten down professionally, and it feels nearly impossible to push forward. There have been numerous times when it’s only been through the encouragement of others (usually those not “musically talented”) that I’ve been able to pick myself up and continue pursuing my love of music.

Furthermore, I consider myself both a musician and music listener. These roles are not mutually exclusive, nor should they be. I value both equally and wear both hats in my every day life. I not only pursue the music I want to create, but I also actively support the creative pursuits of others. I’ve loved music long before I had any knowledge of how to create it and I will continue to love music long after my body can no longer sing or play instruments. Even if, for some reason, I was never able to sing or play another note, my love and reverence for music and my respect of other musicians will never go away. I’ve come to embrace that passion within me, and I immensely appreciate that quality within others. Those are the people who are not only responsible for me having a career to pursue, but who also pick me up every time I get knocked down by a brutal industry that cares little for musicians like me who struggle to make progress happen in our careers.

To anyone who has ever come to a show, purchased an album, or even just sent a message saying you enjoyed my music… Thank you, from every part of who I am. Your role as listeners has not gone unnoticed and never will. We are all in this together and shall remain in this together for as long as we all value and nurture our mutual love for music.

 

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  • HELLO
  • VICTORIA
  • WE ARE AMAZONS
  • A MODERN DAY TROUBADOR
  • LATE NIGHTS + WEEKENDS
  • SONGS FROM THE SIDEWALK
  • MUSIC IS MY LOVER
  • CHASE THE IMPOSSIBLE
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